I know I share a lot of myself with you guys and I’m not as consistent as I want to be with blog posts, but the truth of the matter is that I have dozens of posts sitting in a folder waiting to be shared. These posts are waiting for me to be bold and vulnerable and open with you. These posts reveal a lot about my heart…good and bad…and I think it’s time they start making an appearance here because I trust you. With even tender parts of me, I trust you. So I’m claiming this as my #whynotWednesday and I’m ready…here goes nothing!
I hate conflict. Hate it. I especially hate it when it involves my children because it puts my already heightened “mama bear” instincts in overdrive. I want to fiercely protect my babies from the world rather than ever see them hurt and I have found myself completely blinded to the truth of who God is because of fear. This summer, I had several experiences that forced me to face conflict head on and every time I stood up to advocate on behalf of my babies (ok…they are 5 and 7), I was left feeling alone, exhausted, and severely unprotected. I felt like God would let the traumas of my childhood seep into their little hearts and afflict them as much as they had me. I was afraid of the things that could happen if I let them fight for themselves and instead of asking the Lord to intervene for them, I responded like a teenager filled with angst and ran away. In the midst of my heart tantrum, a friend shared verses from Daniel 4 with me and it hit me like a ton of bricks that I have been clinching my children…my husband…my family…with an iron fist and denying God’s truth to reign in my life.
“At the end of the days, I, Nebuchadnezzar, lifted my eyes to heaven, and my reason returned to me, and I blessed the Most High, and praised and honored him who lives forever…” Daniel 4:34
“My reason returned to me” Those words pierced my heart as if I had never heard them before! I had forgotten who God is. He is Father. He is Protector. He is Life Giver. He is Rescuer. He is Healer. His Word is truth. When our hearts and our souls have been rescued and paid for by the blood of Christ, our footing is no longer of this world. Our foundation is the steel, reinforced, concrete-solid rock that is Jesus. Who we are and what we have belongs to our Father. If it is His to begin with, won’t He protect it even better than I could (even if it looks differently than we expect it to)? Won’t He have compassion on His creation? Will He let His love be stopped by the things of this world? No, no He won’t. And that is truth. When I lose sight of His goodness and who He is, I open up my chests and allow the world to worry me, to hurt me, and to render me helpless. The world would let the pain and terror and just plain awfulness of broken people turn my heart cold and leave me dibilitated. In John 14, Jesus says, “ I am the way, the truth, and the life.” When I surrender and let Jesus be who He is, the Lord over my entire life, I can rest in His peace. I can breathe a little deeper and be assured that God’s character doesn’t falter. He doesn’t waiver in His love and protection over me…over us…over anyone…no matter what.